"I want that."

I don't know about the rest of the world, but for me, faith has not always been something that comes easily. Although I grew up going to church & believing in Jesus my entire life - I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T believe as a child - in my teenage years I started to question God.

For me, it's a STRICTLY logical problem... what I can't see, I question. Sure, I know that really, it takes more faith NOT to believe than it does to believe, because the world had to some from somewhere, and believing it came from an explosion of gases makes MUCH less sense than believing it was created, especially when you consider that the things that created the "Big Bang" had to come from somewhere! But still, I want "easy answers." I want to see it... not see the EFFECTS, like with the wind analogy ("you can't see the wind but you can feel it"), but to really, truly SEE. In fact, I secretly labeled myself an atheist for a brief time in high school, much to my shame now.

So the other night, as I was reading in Psalms and some verses about the Easter story, I came upon a man who truly believed. He asked for Jesus to heal one of his household, and believed it would be done. And Jesus held this man's faith up as an example.

My response?

"I want that."

And with those 3 words, in that instant, I proved to myself what I'd been wanting to prove to myself for years.

In wanting that faith so desperately, I proved that I AM a Christian, that Christ DOES live and IS IN ME.

How do I know that?

Because of one simple fact:

The desire to know God is NOT OF THE FLESH, but of HIM.

For me to have that desire - that NEED - He had to give it to me.

Think about it. We as humans do NOT naturally want to serve any god but ourselves. We don't want to hand over control of our lives or subject ourselves to another's rule. It's just not in our human nature.

Human logic: Me first, others second.

Christ-like logic: God first, others second, I am third.

I'm a sinner saved by grace. Not because I'm good, or because I try hard, or because I've earned it, but because of the saving grace of my Savior, Jesus Christ. He died for me, to cover my sins. We hear that so often that it seems trite, but those words hold so much truth & power.

Nothing about me is naturally good. I'm fallen and really, if you know me, that becomes quite clear very quickly! The sins I fall to astound me... sometimes I look at myself and think, "What the heck are you thinking? Why are you acting this way? What is WRONG with you?!?!?"

The answer's simple: EVERYTHING is wrong with me. Or, rather, WAS wrong with me. You see, I'm a Christian now. And although that doesn't make me perfect, it means that the One in me is perfect; although I sin, He who has never sinned forgives me; although by my own efforts I'd be condemed to Hell by falling short of the glory of God, I'm on my way to Heaven because His glory is alive in me.

I don't usually share the lyrics of entire songs... although I often take a few lines, this song really fits in with this post the whole way through. Please take a moment to read the words & really ponder them.

"Faith Like That" by Jonah33

I have read about the days of old
About the men who followed You
And how they saw the supernatural
And became the chosen few

So I come before You now
Tearing off my earthly crowns
For this one thing I have found

[CHORUS:]
I want a faith like that
To see the dead rise or to see You pass by, oh, I
I want a faith like that
Whatever the cost, I'll suffer the loss, oh, I
I want a faith like that

I'm not looking for a miracle
Signs and wonders or things thereof

I caught a glimpse of what You want for me
And what I have is not enough

I read the story one more time
Of those who gave to You their lives
With no fear or compromise

[CHORUS]

I want a faith that can move any mountain
And send them to the seas
I want a faith that can break every stronghold
That keeps You, that keeps from me

And I want a faith like that
To see the dead rise or to see You pass by, oh, I

[CHORUS]

I want a faith like that
A faith like that


...I want that.